Shark Exorcist (2015)
Yeah brilliant title, but Shark Exorcist is without a shadow of a doubt one of the worst films I have ever seen in my 58 years on this planet.
The plot as far as I could follow concerns an evil nun who summons a demonic shark to a lake with a human sacrifice, no idea why, but she does.
A year later three bitchy teen girls go for a swim and the glowy eyed shark attacks Ali (Angela Kerecz) leaving her at death’s door, despite having barely a mark on her. At the local hospital Ali stages a remarkable recovery , yes she is possessed by the spirit of the demon shark and can’t wait to get back into the water to chow down on teens heading to the lake for a bit of nookie and sorority prospects making pledges to alpha beta oh who the fuck cares standing in ankle-deep water.
Fortunately Father Michael (Bobby Kerecz) is on hand exorcise the shark’s spirit and generally be puked upon.
It’s a real shame that given such a great title and fabulous cover artwork that Shark Exorcist should turn out to be such utter rubbish, it’s not even ‘so bad it’s good’ its just bad. In fact nearly everything about it is complete pants as we say in England. The story as far as there is one is just daft and full of irrelevant ludicrous subplots, the acting, direction and frame composition is universally dreadful, the daylight cinematography is often over-exposed and in need of correction, the CGI is rubbish, the sound recording and dubbing is appalling and the overall sound design and music score, which attempts to mash-up tinkly Tubular Bells piano with a Jaws style sawing cello is just torture.
I sometimes wonder if the intention with movies like this is to make a really, really terrible a film as some kind of smarty pants ‘ironic’ statement upon the state of the genre film industry. If it is the joke passes me by.
I can’t even recommend Shark Exorcist as the sort of film to laugh at over a few beers 111/666